Its a jungle

unbelievable but we are all people ... right! So what if tampers flared at parliament... that's just a professional hazard. I mean with all those Ego's and wings right there its only a matter of soon or sooner.

Anyhow the trigger was the 'Kampala takeover' this time. Ah so the presso wants more responsibility? And you would think running the country is not too much already.. but well he is the presso.. dude is energetic.
But if you think about it, i hope he is up for the job. I mean Kampala has got quite a number of rowdy chaps willing to demonstrate, strike and stress whichever leader they have listed in their stress book.

And as for the Presso .... man you must be number one these days. Seriously, every one these days does acts in the name of above; nd no one is revealing who above is. Which leaves the big boss as the biggest suspect. So if you take over Kampala in your presso capacity don't expect a smooth ride.

Look at the EC of KCCA man is she given a run for her forty million something salary or what in trying to run the city as for her arch enemy in this vendetta its just trouble for him but like i said your the presso... you can pull out the armo for all you care.

But anyway think about what history will say about you down the road; Dude you took over kampala, relegated the Mayor to the .....ah ah, moving on you closed down media houses over a letter your friend wrote, you gave out a sack of money, you promised districts and later went back on your word claiming no money, the teachers are always hustling, as for your government; the stench of corruption is pulpable but they get away...
Boss its a jungle and history is going to have a field day.
But hey whats in a name?
Answer: The smell of roses

xoxo
love me

Bossy Pants

                                                                                          To: Bossy pants
                                                                                         At the helm of your throne



From: A nobody
in the midst of chaos


             Dearest Bossy Pants

I am not really the sugar daddy type so i'll state it without sugar coating it. In my experience, your good at making yourself look like a fool all by yourself. I mean there worse crimes on earth than disloyalty. Take heart sir, don't drag the rest of us down because of your squibble with a friend disloyal.

so you had us rounded up! We un armed little people, i guess your afraid our imaginative brains may overpower your mumerously armed popo and plain clothed kadogos. But seeing as i have a will in sore, let me proceed to leave my nothing to some one because at this rate they may be coming for each of us personally. The letter might be at our homes!

xoxo
A nobody
Who had a lovely
morning before you
guys showed up

Bossy Pants

A bowl of pebbles and David's sling

Okay so, so and so is gay, correction the hotties are gay! I don’t get it …. I mean I do think I do but … actually I don’t! Am hetero sexual (although I think we hetros should get a cool abbreviation for our sexual orientation)… right? But I never get to see how our realization that we are hetero sexual ever gave us the right to post it on social media networks and force it down other peoples throats.

This show of sheer bravery is not called for at the expense of attracting creeps and perverts mind your personal space. Don’t you think face book would have a button for gay, bi or heterosexual if it were cool to tell the world who you prefer sleeping with?

Like come on, we still hide too. Call it our wardrobes as opposed to the gay pip’s closets. OMG do you think R. Kelly was hinting on something when he sang his closet series … laughable right… wrong. Now the English language is filled with innuendos because of this campaign I don’t want to understand.

Like for real do you think my mum or pops would be happy if they heard I posted about my sexual orientation on face book and how much I love it …or how am attacking Christianity, Muslims and other religions because they express a different opinion…  I doubt Sunday mornings would ever be the same at our home.

I mean couldn’t they have left all alone and with time we would have awoken to find some people are actually bi or gay. God help me! But really in a country that’s filled with homophobe’s you would expect me to preach and runt about so and so being gay, point fingers and crap but I refuse to indulge in such.

How does that change anything? In my opinion, it just horns their determination to go at what they are doing with more determination. Just think about it? How can we solve this if it can be solved or needs to be solved … do not look at me coz I have no clue.  

I mean I don’t get how someone would be gay for reasons that are obvious to me , am not about to understand the act but believe me I will not hate the person unless they rape, defile, sexually harass little ones, the innocent, force themselves on other people and such crap. But don’t get me twisted I will still stare at them any given day… I don’t like staring well unless you’re some hottie (read James Bond, Damon) but walk like your female when your not, dress in a strange manner and I will stare.

That beside the point, am actually sorry some of you confess to have hated your selves before and now want the world to know your sexual orientation, but be mindful and tell only people who matter in your life about your sexual orientation. I mean this country has serious phobia issues and am not saying am immune.

There is no vaccine for such a revelation unless you have many people around you who are gay or bi such that your 'unshockable' and here in Uganda we have many who would stone you rather than hug you. But don't you ever think that if people did not shout about gay rights and the rest of us never pointed fingers at them half the people who wake up and discover they are gay would not indeed be gay? 

Give him room to move his feet

With all these opinions being thrown around and everyone having a problem with the sack of money the president gave to the youth in Busoga (except the guy who got hold of the sack) you would expect me to runt some more! But of course, who does that… right? News flash he did and no one is going to ever do it again unless he pulls the same stint up north, south, west and wherever else.

Anyway everyone is talking about the dummy cheque he could have given those youth or the blah blah alternative and the fact that he is on a campaign strategy for next elections. But hey, cut the preso some slack and let the guy move his feet.

1. Haven’t you heard about corruption in our country? If you haven’t you really need to consider a mental diagnosis. Anyhow the preso has and has found the most brilliant solution for this; if the Busoga chaps fail to get that money for their businesses the whole country by now knows who took the sack. We got you and no commission will save your arse ( excuse the Greek)

2. If you didn’t know that banks in Uganda are known to create ghost accounts where convenient now you know. I mean the cairo bank dudes and babes who were caught in that pension scum are proof enough of the white collar crime in banks. So the preso just saved them the hustle and the bank charges.

Okay now let’s talk about the possibility of other sacks of money being spread around the country! Yey, am thrilled am even moving back to Kabong in preparation and anticipation. Am prepping all the youth to organize them selves in a forum since such these things work… did you see that sack? This opportunity to get rich quick is a legally endorsed one it has the presidents approval.

And to think no one has said much about the vision 2020 proposal that the president launched except that its indication of his continued willingness to stay in power… but lets be honest about this … I mean what’s new? Can we separate the important from that we cannot do with out a blood shed like maybe how viable is this vision, who will benefit and so on?

However, I wonder if that dude who received the money slept at night? I mean think about the thieves, would be thieves who saw him receive that money? I would not want to be in his shoes at night but during the day …!

So anyway, the preso gave a sack of money to youth …ah ah… basoga youth and guess what he made history as the first president to do that and there’s nothing anyone can do except warn whoever got the money not to swindle it if not he will have the president to face directly.

This is not the life I ordered!

No sir! I did not take out the menu and call my favorite take out  and place this order because if I had; my life would have come served with hot seasoned salsa fries, a large milkshake, lots of tomato sauce and maybe a pink martini just for fun.

Certified I love life and I must say it loves me back. This relationship I have with life is a new love in progress and this time am holding on to the end like it’s a dying child’s wish.

Life and I have not always had it great. I had times I did not notice life at all, times rejection had me thinking life is but lie. Times it felt like am drowning, struggling to breathe, overwhelmed.

Granted I cannot swim nor do I have asthma but the nightmare could not stop until I took a look back at my life and realized its not life that’s the problem it’s the people. But the day I looked my pops in the eye one day as he was talking to me as I sat on the outside steps of our home ( my thinking spot says my pops) and told the boldest lie of my life; ‘no sir! Am not thinking too much, no sir I do not isolate myself much and no sir I am not unhappy. I knew life just had to have heard my assertion.

So this was the first step on my life order. All I did before that was sail through life, follow routine and so on but now life was going to have to stick to my crazy order. I was having pizza that day and no one was changing the order.

No more hitting rock bottom… I had had enough of that. To some people rock bottom means drinking like a fish, well granted it can be fun while you’re at it… ‘No time is wasted while you’re being wasted!’ right? While to others rock bottom means you cut, self harm and so on. To people like me rock bottom means, a glaze, and self pity and yes the tears… it’s like you’re a moving zombie. The glow dies; the weight loss is like that of an anorexic. What’s scarier is that no one seems to notice … well except my dad… very strange if you think about it.

So after years of  getting served ‘posho and beans’ at school and what my mother orders at home I decided its that time in my life where I mix up my mothers order with what i like and only add posho and beans on occasion.

I decided its time to learn how to live life with the spoon of intelligence my pops gave me, the looks my moms dished out, the generosity my siblings dished out and yeah the determination my teachers beat into me and the love my God has for me. 

So I will learn how to swim, how to drive, climb a tree, dance salsa, be as eccentric as I want to be. So shove it all you close minded people, I will question the doctor about the meds he thinks are fit for me and yeah I will ignore the crap out of all self righteous and snobbish people out there.

On my order of life I want life, I need life, I love life, I adore life …  I will love God, love me, love you and love them.

Sun kissing the ‘Mini skirt law’

A story is told about so and so, big shot, mogul or tycoon who thinks miniskirts are out to get their ‘hard earned money’ in the offices, in corridors hush hush stuff and all but they never complained before! Now with the oncoming ban of the mini skirt they are all up in arms, least they shove their ‘heroism’ in our faces I have decided to side with them this time. 

It’s a big deal this mini skirt law! Why they were fewer voices over the oil scam than the mini skirt law from these ‘economists’ I guess it’s a vacuum I do not intend to leave to the flasks of this world.

First of all, these hankies we call clothes are listed on Forbes list this year as the leading cause of corruption in Uganda. Don’t you know we hold position number err…err Forbes reliably knows the statistics since we keep fluctuating among the top three culprits. 

Anyway, Fr. Simon Lokodo ought to be helped in his fight to restore sanity in the nation and I declare myself his social media support system.  We should indeed declare a state of emergency in the country! The Mini skirt is a no no… it’s a war and we are flinging them out the windows. All you pre-campus, campus and post campus belles need to get acquainted with the Maxi’s chap chap.

Did you know that the pot holed roads, OPM cash scam, renewed load shedding, poor health system in the country  have huge roots in the mini skirt. Aha I literally saw a mini skirt fleece that money! Didn’t you? I swear your kin to that Emperor who wore new clothes that he couldn’t see if you did not see that miniskirt pull a Robin Hood stint.

By the by …err Fr. Lokodo am sorry but I have been swayed by the sun. Well, not really but that’s excuse enough for me. You see I love the miniskirt and I dread the feel and the thought of having to lounge at the beach in jeans or full on cover up Hijab’s. I think some are sorta classy but the miniskirt is my bosom friend.

It taught me that even if I wear one no man has the right to assault me. If I recall once on campus during my ‘party all night’ life times I punched this guy for daring to tap what didn’t belong. That empowerment went supported by all the other men in that night club and alas an apology from this free limbed dude. 

I love the feel of the miniskirt in the sun, the tan that can only be seen by me because of my dark color. The feel of the water from Lake Victoria as I stand at the shores, I terribly dread having to stand in this water in jeans or leggings yish the thought… not funny Father.

These restrictions on the way a woman should wear are but a form of slavery. You give us freedom, emancipation but snatch it back. Why offer it and take it back. Do you remember Idi Amin Dada he also went away sir, along with his Miniskirt ban… it will not stick for long sir if dare passed. Re think it sir re think it.

Xoxo

Pamela Ayaso

"Bury it for three days, three months, three years and let it resurrect like Jesus Christ…”

The Marriage and Divorce Bill 2009 had its entry into the Parliament of Uganda about 40 years ago but has never found its way off the dusty shelves in the honorable Parliamentarians pigeon holes for it to be passed as a law.
 This year, the fight to have it passed into Law has seen Civil Organizations and  women activists come up in arms and legs as they put out vigorous campaigns with the aim of sensitizing all the men in the country and having it passed into law.
The president of Uganda has not gone silent on this and has not only written a letter to the members of parliament over the issue but has also advanced Shs5million to all the honorable members of parliament to have them discuss this Bill with the members of their constituency. And we now await the results of these discussions with the exception of those who have refused to receive the money citing unclear circumstances surrounding the money. However, in the undated 21 page letter the President took a swipe at middle class women for wanting to turn marriage into a business. He rejected the provision on property sharing after divorce calling the actions of civil organizations groups behind this Bill as women who want to pollute our women emancipation movement by introducing elements of mercenary tendencies in   marriage.
He argues that mixing domestic chores with property claims is stretching the argument to far sighting that the adoption of the clause in the Bill that outlaws the practice of returning gifts is against the traditions of Africans. 
This being a Bill that has divided the country men of this nation with some of them saying aye’ and others nay’ we decided to take this to the people to get their opinions;

Pastor Martin Ssempa’s opinion
A renowned vocal pastor, Martin Ssempa (born 1968) is a Ugandan pastor, activist and founder of the Makerere Community Church in Uganda was more than willing to give his opinion.
He states that as an African man there are guidelines for marriages in Africa that have been there for thousands of years and the Bill is trying to turn African marriages and make them like the Europeans marriages.
In regard to the women activists and the civil organizations behind this controversial Bill, the pastor singles them out as mad people, pointing out that he does not recognize marital rape and calls it uncomfortable sex that cannot equal to rape.  This is westernization he goes on to elaborate, that is trying to destroy the African culture.
This Bill in his opinion is giving students a lieu way to cohabit at school and will encourage fresher’s to ‘get married’. He goes to state that people are angry about men and marriage. He thinks that the Bill should die, be buried for three weeks, three months or three years and resurrect like Jesus with new Biblical ideas included and those repugnant to our culture removed.
The ideas he proposes are that the husband is the head of the family and therefore in the new resurrected bill, this should be clearly shown; a Marriage investment Authority should be put in place, marriage advisory extension services should be provided, nobody should marry without proper training on how to handle sexual pressure. He says people should have driving incenses to drive so people should have marriage training before getting married, it will reduce on the rape scandals and also on divorce.
A baseline survey on the problem of marriage in the country should be done as there is no survey done so far and sights feminists as a problem as they even had the law against adultery unenforceable in the country.
Other arguments against it on the street;
It is an act to violate and change our African culture that is the bride price clause that makes it optional and criminalizes the refund of the bride price on divorce by the partners. 
The church believes the Bill is promoting cohabitation and overlooking the importance of marriage in our society and yet it is of considerable importance in imparting morals.
Marital rape is hard to prove and it is argued that it can turn out to be a weapon against a partner since it’s a delicate matter that can only be proven by the most convincing partner.
Isaac Mageezi, a banker believes it is away through which to deprive men economically sighting the ‘de- toothers’ syndrome that will be on the increase as a result of this Bill.

M/s Achulo Rita ED of Uganda women’s network
UWONET (Uganda Women’s Network) is a civil organization armed with the gender empowerment and the gender transformation in Uganda. In her arguments for the need to have the Bill passed into a law she outlined some of the advantages of the Bill if passed into a law as follows;
The Marriage and Divorce Bill no. 19/ 2009 consolidates all the marriage, separation and divorce laws into one umbrella.  She goes on to state that it promotes and harmonizes unity in families.
Her opinion in regard to the marital rape clause is that it is a reasonable law that can be enforced contrary to what other people think especially men who forcefully have sex with a woman who has undergone surgery or child birth.
Her arguments in regard to arguments on property is that the law aims at protecting both sexes and does not in any way aim at depriving men since you can decide to own property individually or jointly. 
 She concludes by stating that religious leaders should be considerate and consider human beings before anything since human beings come into the world as humans first before getting a religion. Her plea is for them to speak as humans first and then as religious leaders second.
Other arguments on the street;
The women activists and civil organizations behind the Bill look upon it as a ground for changing the status quo and empowering women especially the disadvantaged women in our country.
A one Sharon Wito, a model around town argues that it’s a way through which the rampant cases of violence against women can be curbed especially those who are sexually violated in their home.

The controversial clauses;
1.        The cohabitation clause

a)        The presence of this clause in the Bill recognizes cohabitation as a form of legally binding relationship in Uganda. 
b)       It allows for partners to make an agreement concerning property they come with before cohabiting or over the property they buy while cohabiting.
c)        Property accumulated during cohabitation is treated similar to matrimonial property.
d)       It recognizes non monetary contribution of a spouse in a marriage or cohabitation i.e. house work and maintain of the house as a ground for claiming a right in the property. 

2.        Marital rape clause
a)        Is recognized by the Bill as an existing act that is criminalized under it

3.        Marital gifts definition
a)        The definition includes bride price and bride wealth but makes it optional persons marrying in a customary traditional marriage to bring bride price.
b)       It is a criminal act that is illegal and punishable under the Bill to ask for a refund of bride price on divorce.

This Bill that has drawn interest across gender in the country is a law that may not likely see the daylight like all the controversial bills in our  country especially since it is not only fighting a legal battle but has crossed the arena into the moral sphere. It has laundered our dirty laundry by making us aware that the rate of cohabitation in the country is higher than the marriage rate as per the reports of 2011 by the Bureau of Statistics that put it at 30: 60.
 

In Hitler’s bathtub

If you feel free in the sun you shall be set free. A quote almost taken for granted until you find yourself in Hitler’s bath tub. 

There’s this girl that has been in this bathtub every now and then, the scars that she hides can never be seen by anyone else. When she tells of her ordeal you cringe at the very thought of the experience. Being raped is something not easy to get over but it’s a daily serving dished out by some ‘animals’.

Sometimes she tries to commit suicide but that she thinks this will never let her soul rest especially since her God’s wrath is her biggest fear. So she holds on and smiles when she has too. Sometimes she cuts and sometimes she lies in Hitler’s bath tub and screams underneath the water.

Who are these people who rape and defile children, women, men and the elderly?  Who are they? Who gave birth to them? What went wrong along the way? Why do they do these things? Shall we ever know? Maybe we will?

Shall we kill them all? Shall we poison them or give them a lethal injection one by one? Maybe they should be hanged or slain in a public square? But will it take away the pain, the grief and the self loath or the act itself?

I don’t know but I hope it will. This bathtub is akin to one’s own cell. A cell with just a small window through which to breathe! Once it darkens your door step there’s almost no cure. It’s the most violent of all ways through which a woman’s dignity can be stripped, her innocence robbed and her spirit broken.

I look at her look at herself and feel sad. There is nothing more I can do. Talk is almost cheap! How do therapists do this? Maybe that’s why most of them end up crew ups too. It cannot be easy to relive these people’s lives and try to rationalize their minds into getting over their trumped hearts.

It’s a hard pill to swallow so don’t do it to any one if you cannot bear to sit in Hitler’s Bathtub.

From my heart to yours

Orogot Pamela

Bottled letters to an ex yonder

                                                                                                    An Ex Dude

                                                                                                  A Kampala suburb

A Hot Babe

On the shores of an exotic Island

Dear dude from the past,

I hope you fare well. Don’t get me wrong but I was and will be glad if she breaks your heart. I mean who are you to dodge karma? This thing catches up with the best of us, so don’t expect to dish out crap and get a whiff of cupcakes and brownies… No my used to be hun  you eventually get a platter of shit in your face.

But that was not the point of this letter. I only wished to let you know am still terribly gorgeous and classy. I no longer stalk you either … Amazing! However, will you please try to lay off the local girls, your spoiling my reputation dude? And will you keep up the standards too. I swear I will deny you as my ex if you do not step up your game.

Appearances do get you to places most of the time, so keep up. Why the hell are you going down the drain? %^&*@\... Keep up

Xxx

A not so amused Hot ex

Angeline M