No sir! I did not take out
the menu and call my favorite take out
and place this order because if I had; my life would have come served
with hot seasoned salsa fries, a large milkshake, lots of tomato sauce and
maybe a pink martini just for fun.
Certified I love life and I
must say it loves me back. This relationship I have with life is a new love in
progress and this time am holding on to the end like it’s a dying child’s wish.
Life and I have not always had
it great. I had times I did not notice life at all, times rejection had me
thinking life is but lie. Times it felt like am drowning, struggling to
breathe, overwhelmed.
Granted I cannot swim nor do
I have asthma but the nightmare could not stop until I took a look back at my
life and realized its not life that’s the problem it’s the people. But the day
I looked my pops in the eye one day as he was talking to me as I sat on the
outside steps of our home ( my thinking spot says my pops) and told the boldest
lie of my life; ‘no sir! Am not thinking too much, no sir I do not isolate
myself much and no sir I am not unhappy. I knew life just had to have heard my
assertion.
So this was the first step on
my life order. All I did before that was sail through life, follow routine and
so on but now life was going to have to stick to my crazy order. I was having
pizza that day and no one was changing the order.
No more hitting rock bottom…
I had had enough of that. To some people rock bottom means drinking like a
fish, well granted it can be fun while you’re at it… ‘No time is wasted while you’re
being wasted!’ right? While to others rock bottom means you cut, self harm and
so on. To people like me rock bottom means, a glaze, and self pity and yes the
tears… it’s like you’re a moving zombie. The glow dies; the weight loss is like
that of an anorexic. What’s scarier is that no one seems to notice … well
except my dad… very strange if you think about it.
So after years of getting served ‘posho and beans’ at school
and what my mother orders at home I decided its that time in my life where I
mix up my mothers order with what i like and only add posho and beans on
occasion.
I decided its time to learn
how to live life with the spoon of intelligence my pops gave me, the looks my moms
dished out, the generosity my siblings dished out and yeah the determination my
teachers beat into me and the love my God has for me.
So I will learn how to swim,
how to drive, climb a tree, dance salsa, be as eccentric as I want to be. So
shove it all you close minded people, I will question the doctor about the meds
he thinks are fit for me and yeah I will ignore the crap out of all self
righteous and snobbish people out there.
On my order of life I want
life, I need life, I love life, I adore life … I will love God, love me, love you and love
them.
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