Its a jungle

unbelievable but we are all people ... right! So what if tampers flared at parliament... that's just a professional hazard. I mean with all those Ego's and wings right there its only a matter of soon or sooner.

Anyhow the trigger was the 'Kampala takeover' this time. Ah so the presso wants more responsibility? And you would think running the country is not too much already.. but well he is the presso.. dude is energetic.
But if you think about it, i hope he is up for the job. I mean Kampala has got quite a number of rowdy chaps willing to demonstrate, strike and stress whichever leader they have listed in their stress book.

And as for the Presso .... man you must be number one these days. Seriously, every one these days does acts in the name of above; nd no one is revealing who above is. Which leaves the big boss as the biggest suspect. So if you take over Kampala in your presso capacity don't expect a smooth ride.

Look at the EC of KCCA man is she given a run for her forty million something salary or what in trying to run the city as for her arch enemy in this vendetta its just trouble for him but like i said your the presso... you can pull out the armo for all you care.

But anyway think about what history will say about you down the road; Dude you took over kampala, relegated the Mayor to the .....ah ah, moving on you closed down media houses over a letter your friend wrote, you gave out a sack of money, you promised districts and later went back on your word claiming no money, the teachers are always hustling, as for your government; the stench of corruption is pulpable but they get away...
Boss its a jungle and history is going to have a field day.
But hey whats in a name?
Answer: The smell of roses

xoxo
love me

Bossy Pants

                                                                                          To: Bossy pants
                                                                                         At the helm of your throne



From: A nobody
in the midst of chaos


             Dearest Bossy Pants

I am not really the sugar daddy type so i'll state it without sugar coating it. In my experience, your good at making yourself look like a fool all by yourself. I mean there worse crimes on earth than disloyalty. Take heart sir, don't drag the rest of us down because of your squibble with a friend disloyal.

so you had us rounded up! We un armed little people, i guess your afraid our imaginative brains may overpower your mumerously armed popo and plain clothed kadogos. But seeing as i have a will in sore, let me proceed to leave my nothing to some one because at this rate they may be coming for each of us personally. The letter might be at our homes!

xoxo
A nobody
Who had a lovely
morning before you
guys showed up

Bossy Pants

A bowl of pebbles and David's sling

Okay so, so and so is gay, correction the hotties are gay! I don’t get it …. I mean I do think I do but … actually I don’t! Am hetero sexual (although I think we hetros should get a cool abbreviation for our sexual orientation)… right? But I never get to see how our realization that we are hetero sexual ever gave us the right to post it on social media networks and force it down other peoples throats.

This show of sheer bravery is not called for at the expense of attracting creeps and perverts mind your personal space. Don’t you think face book would have a button for gay, bi or heterosexual if it were cool to tell the world who you prefer sleeping with?

Like come on, we still hide too. Call it our wardrobes as opposed to the gay pip’s closets. OMG do you think R. Kelly was hinting on something when he sang his closet series … laughable right… wrong. Now the English language is filled with innuendos because of this campaign I don’t want to understand.

Like for real do you think my mum or pops would be happy if they heard I posted about my sexual orientation on face book and how much I love it …or how am attacking Christianity, Muslims and other religions because they express a different opinion…  I doubt Sunday mornings would ever be the same at our home.

I mean couldn’t they have left all alone and with time we would have awoken to find some people are actually bi or gay. God help me! But really in a country that’s filled with homophobe’s you would expect me to preach and runt about so and so being gay, point fingers and crap but I refuse to indulge in such.

How does that change anything? In my opinion, it just horns their determination to go at what they are doing with more determination. Just think about it? How can we solve this if it can be solved or needs to be solved … do not look at me coz I have no clue.  

I mean I don’t get how someone would be gay for reasons that are obvious to me , am not about to understand the act but believe me I will not hate the person unless they rape, defile, sexually harass little ones, the innocent, force themselves on other people and such crap. But don’t get me twisted I will still stare at them any given day… I don’t like staring well unless you’re some hottie (read James Bond, Damon) but walk like your female when your not, dress in a strange manner and I will stare.

That beside the point, am actually sorry some of you confess to have hated your selves before and now want the world to know your sexual orientation, but be mindful and tell only people who matter in your life about your sexual orientation. I mean this country has serious phobia issues and am not saying am immune.

There is no vaccine for such a revelation unless you have many people around you who are gay or bi such that your 'unshockable' and here in Uganda we have many who would stone you rather than hug you. But don't you ever think that if people did not shout about gay rights and the rest of us never pointed fingers at them half the people who wake up and discover they are gay would not indeed be gay? 

Give him room to move his feet

With all these opinions being thrown around and everyone having a problem with the sack of money the president gave to the youth in Busoga (except the guy who got hold of the sack) you would expect me to runt some more! But of course, who does that… right? News flash he did and no one is going to ever do it again unless he pulls the same stint up north, south, west and wherever else.

Anyway everyone is talking about the dummy cheque he could have given those youth or the blah blah alternative and the fact that he is on a campaign strategy for next elections. But hey, cut the preso some slack and let the guy move his feet.

1. Haven’t you heard about corruption in our country? If you haven’t you really need to consider a mental diagnosis. Anyhow the preso has and has found the most brilliant solution for this; if the Busoga chaps fail to get that money for their businesses the whole country by now knows who took the sack. We got you and no commission will save your arse ( excuse the Greek)

2. If you didn’t know that banks in Uganda are known to create ghost accounts where convenient now you know. I mean the cairo bank dudes and babes who were caught in that pension scum are proof enough of the white collar crime in banks. So the preso just saved them the hustle and the bank charges.

Okay now let’s talk about the possibility of other sacks of money being spread around the country! Yey, am thrilled am even moving back to Kabong in preparation and anticipation. Am prepping all the youth to organize them selves in a forum since such these things work… did you see that sack? This opportunity to get rich quick is a legally endorsed one it has the presidents approval.

And to think no one has said much about the vision 2020 proposal that the president launched except that its indication of his continued willingness to stay in power… but lets be honest about this … I mean what’s new? Can we separate the important from that we cannot do with out a blood shed like maybe how viable is this vision, who will benefit and so on?

However, I wonder if that dude who received the money slept at night? I mean think about the thieves, would be thieves who saw him receive that money? I would not want to be in his shoes at night but during the day …!

So anyway, the preso gave a sack of money to youth …ah ah… basoga youth and guess what he made history as the first president to do that and there’s nothing anyone can do except warn whoever got the money not to swindle it if not he will have the president to face directly.

This is not the life I ordered!

No sir! I did not take out the menu and call my favorite take out  and place this order because if I had; my life would have come served with hot seasoned salsa fries, a large milkshake, lots of tomato sauce and maybe a pink martini just for fun.

Certified I love life and I must say it loves me back. This relationship I have with life is a new love in progress and this time am holding on to the end like it’s a dying child’s wish.

Life and I have not always had it great. I had times I did not notice life at all, times rejection had me thinking life is but lie. Times it felt like am drowning, struggling to breathe, overwhelmed.

Granted I cannot swim nor do I have asthma but the nightmare could not stop until I took a look back at my life and realized its not life that’s the problem it’s the people. But the day I looked my pops in the eye one day as he was talking to me as I sat on the outside steps of our home ( my thinking spot says my pops) and told the boldest lie of my life; ‘no sir! Am not thinking too much, no sir I do not isolate myself much and no sir I am not unhappy. I knew life just had to have heard my assertion.

So this was the first step on my life order. All I did before that was sail through life, follow routine and so on but now life was going to have to stick to my crazy order. I was having pizza that day and no one was changing the order.

No more hitting rock bottom… I had had enough of that. To some people rock bottom means drinking like a fish, well granted it can be fun while you’re at it… ‘No time is wasted while you’re being wasted!’ right? While to others rock bottom means you cut, self harm and so on. To people like me rock bottom means, a glaze, and self pity and yes the tears… it’s like you’re a moving zombie. The glow dies; the weight loss is like that of an anorexic. What’s scarier is that no one seems to notice … well except my dad… very strange if you think about it.

So after years of  getting served ‘posho and beans’ at school and what my mother orders at home I decided its that time in my life where I mix up my mothers order with what i like and only add posho and beans on occasion.

I decided its time to learn how to live life with the spoon of intelligence my pops gave me, the looks my moms dished out, the generosity my siblings dished out and yeah the determination my teachers beat into me and the love my God has for me. 

So I will learn how to swim, how to drive, climb a tree, dance salsa, be as eccentric as I want to be. So shove it all you close minded people, I will question the doctor about the meds he thinks are fit for me and yeah I will ignore the crap out of all self righteous and snobbish people out there.

On my order of life I want life, I need life, I love life, I adore life …  I will love God, love me, love you and love them.

Sun kissing the ‘Mini skirt law’

A story is told about so and so, big shot, mogul or tycoon who thinks miniskirts are out to get their ‘hard earned money’ in the offices, in corridors hush hush stuff and all but they never complained before! Now with the oncoming ban of the mini skirt they are all up in arms, least they shove their ‘heroism’ in our faces I have decided to side with them this time. 

It’s a big deal this mini skirt law! Why they were fewer voices over the oil scam than the mini skirt law from these ‘economists’ I guess it’s a vacuum I do not intend to leave to the flasks of this world.

First of all, these hankies we call clothes are listed on Forbes list this year as the leading cause of corruption in Uganda. Don’t you know we hold position number err…err Forbes reliably knows the statistics since we keep fluctuating among the top three culprits. 

Anyway, Fr. Simon Lokodo ought to be helped in his fight to restore sanity in the nation and I declare myself his social media support system.  We should indeed declare a state of emergency in the country! The Mini skirt is a no no… it’s a war and we are flinging them out the windows. All you pre-campus, campus and post campus belles need to get acquainted with the Maxi’s chap chap.

Did you know that the pot holed roads, OPM cash scam, renewed load shedding, poor health system in the country  have huge roots in the mini skirt. Aha I literally saw a mini skirt fleece that money! Didn’t you? I swear your kin to that Emperor who wore new clothes that he couldn’t see if you did not see that miniskirt pull a Robin Hood stint.

By the by …err Fr. Lokodo am sorry but I have been swayed by the sun. Well, not really but that’s excuse enough for me. You see I love the miniskirt and I dread the feel and the thought of having to lounge at the beach in jeans or full on cover up Hijab’s. I think some are sorta classy but the miniskirt is my bosom friend.

It taught me that even if I wear one no man has the right to assault me. If I recall once on campus during my ‘party all night’ life times I punched this guy for daring to tap what didn’t belong. That empowerment went supported by all the other men in that night club and alas an apology from this free limbed dude. 

I love the feel of the miniskirt in the sun, the tan that can only be seen by me because of my dark color. The feel of the water from Lake Victoria as I stand at the shores, I terribly dread having to stand in this water in jeans or leggings yish the thought… not funny Father.

These restrictions on the way a woman should wear are but a form of slavery. You give us freedom, emancipation but snatch it back. Why offer it and take it back. Do you remember Idi Amin Dada he also went away sir, along with his Miniskirt ban… it will not stick for long sir if dare passed. Re think it sir re think it.

Xoxo

Pamela Ayaso