Label Girl

I used to be the girl who goes with the flow. This system was so much easier especially when so much younger. Life was… well life.

You woke up, went to class and then went out. Met cute guys, danced and forgot all about them the next day as you moved on with your daily routine. There was no right or wrong only what was or what wasn’t, till I met the dude with the ‘system of thought speech’.

Who knew my first crush would be at the tender years of a third year campus girl’s age! Thrilled, excited, his attention was all I wanted. Actually it was more than a crush, I was infatuated …like over kill infatuation.

So as I thought our friendship was getting serious, I asked him where he thought our relationship was leading.

Am that girl who calls out a man for his actions. My father taught me better. Love is not blind is he’s favorite statement. Relationships are either black or white. No greys, no in betweens. You have to know where you stand or where you don’t. No presumptions.

So I asked and he gave the ‘system of thought’ speech.                                     

“ I like you very much. You’re a very lovely person. But I do not want to put labels to our relationship. Am a no label person; all that girl friend/boy friend stuff gives people expectations and eventually leads to disappointments. But there is nothing wrong with us being exclusive.”

This speech I have never forgotten. That’s why I call it the ‘system of thought ‘speech. I spent sleepless nights just over thinking this speech. Anyhow this ‘friendship’ never stood the non label speech time. I was devastated.

This guy was one of the most intellectually stimulating men i had ever met, not to mention kind and fun. But drat that line of speech.

Every person has expectations of another, its called humanity. I don’t expect any one to stab me as I stand at a busy street but it has been known to happen and that’s the odd life of humanity.

Disappointments are bound to happen whether you expect or you don’t. Labels or no labels.

And who lives a life of no expectations- A sad person I say. But that’s just my opinion and you know what they say about opinions, ‘opinions are like behinds, everyone has one’.

But what’s life without hope? Hope in you, in me, in humanity. So what? Not everyone will live up to your expectations. But what’s wrong with having a little hope in someone. You may say expectations and hope are different … think again; draw straight lines if you can.

For most of my part, I used and still think about this ‘system of thought’. I have been told it’s a broken person’s line of thinking.

But refuse this excuse I have done. Our generation is full of broken people. Some of them life has fixed, some of us we rationalize through our brokenness, others try to fix themselves and others it’s the perfect excuse to further break those around them ( unintentional it may be)

I believe our brokenness stems from, past and present baggage. To move on we must embrace our baggage. Only by accepting ourselves can others accept us along with our broken systems.

But after I had heard that speech did my introvert eyes really open. And it’s not that I had never heard or heard of this speech before. The difference is that I cared for him and that’s why his speech hit home… guns, bombs and nuclear weapons. And if you told me today he no longer is, I will cry for what was then and what could have been.

But here I am today, a girl changed by that speech. I am fully and certifiably for labels. Expectations in humanity damn the disappointments. I am the label girl; I want to know who I am to those I care for greatly-daughter, sister, friend, foe, girl friend, fiancé, wife.

I want to know my label in your life… how simple life is that way.

                 Always P.Ayaso